You are not a tree…

Leaving things behind is hard. It takes courage to make change. I am always inspired by people who do something different because they are no longer happy where they are. It can be your home, neighborhood, city, job, relationship, friend, sister, finances…but when you are no longer happy…it’s time to make like a tree and LEAVE!!!!!
We often see people who struggle with sadness & wonder Why don’t they do anything?  However, we fail to recognize the same stagnation in our own lives. I have been guilty of this. Not having goals or not recognizing my worth or potential. 
Whether it is a job, a relationship, a city, faith, or just a life that is unfulfilling or holding you back… The moment you realize your own self worth, YOUR VALUE, you will gain so much power over your own happiness. It’s a priceless feeling. Having control. It’s full of infinite possibility. HOPE!!!
When you live the life that is worthy of you, there is joy and fulfillment. You don’t have to wonder “what if?” Surround yourself with the people who see the value in you. Who share your goals. Who want you to succeed & will help you be happy. You will radiate!!!!
Don’t feel loyal to that boss who never gives you the promotion. Or the boyfriend who never makes time for you. Don’t settle for the friend who can only make plans with you when they have nothing better to do. Or the city with no opportunity. 
LEAVE and DON’T LOOK BACK!!!!  You are not to blame for the misery in others. You are to blame if you stay in that misery and soak it up with them!!! Things are not going to get better. Things are not going to change. STOP holding on to that. STOP believing that lie. CHANGE YOURSELF. YOUR LIFE. YOUR ENVIRONMENT.  Whatever it is that is toxic in your life!! 
Stop looking for reasons or excuses, because you will always find them. It is not too far away. You won’t always be alone. You will make new friends. Nothing is ever as scary as we make it!!! Yes, other people have worse jobs, worse relationships, worse situations. But you don’t have to be one of those people!!!
Laugh again. Remember what makes you laugh. Surround yourself with positivity. Motivation. Love. Stop settling. If it makes you sad, hurt, weak, or resentful…let it GO!!!! Breathe in the fresh air and FIND HAPPINESS!!!
You are WORTH IT!!!!!

  

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I’m a feminist…and a princess…

  

This picture has sparked some controversy on the Internet. It was shared with the caption “Do you know what’s wrong with this picture?”  

The answer is that the woman is walking on the outside. Equal rights feminists have taken issue with this. Why is it assumed that the woman can’t take care of herself? Why is it not her job to take care of him?  

My view on the matter is this. I am a woman. A damn strong one.  An overcomer. I have busted my ass to get where I am and should be paid just  as much as Joe Blow. I am MORE than capable of walking down the street alone and protecting myself and all the other things female power!!!!

BUT….I deserve to be taken care of. I deserve to be protected and treasured. I want the person I’m with to love me enough to walk on the outside because they want to keep me safe. That doesn’t make me weak or helpless. It makes me loved.  It makes me someone’s princess. 

Endings, Graduation, & my First Motherless Mother’s Day

I’m ok. Except when I’m not. A lot of big things have happened in the past 24 hours. I worked my last weekend at my internship. Saying goodbye to all the friends I have made is not an easy task.  I got offered a job. A bigger salary job. A job I want to do. I think. A job in mental health. This means I am one step closer to having my license. 

This means saying goodbye to my Early Intervention family which is even harder than I could even imagine. It is almost not worth the money just to keep the wonderful group of people I call my staff.  But my passion is mental health and I have to pay back the education I’ve worked so hard for, so I hope they understand, and choose to always be in my life.  I rode the fence but it is time I just dive in and see what life has in store!!!

And then there is graduation. Graduation. I graduated high school for my mom. I went to college for my mom. I’ll never forget her face that day.  That same smile she gave each time she held one of her grandkids.  Bubbling over full hearted smile. So Saturday will come and go…and I will not walk. I can’t. Not if I can’t see her smile.   I worked hard. I earned it. But she’s not here to be proud of me. 

And then there is Mother’s Day. The day I typically reserve for myself. To pamper myself. Eric and the kids go to Tennessee to see his mom and I walk around naked and binge watch tv all by myself. It’s the one day where there is no chaos. But this year I will spend Mother’s Day at the grave of the three strongest women I have ever known.  And I won’t be ok. 

Now I am completely afraid of being left alone.  I have been busy. Really busy. If life slows down, I’m afraid I will break. I can’t break.  This week is really heavy.  


I breathe in…I breathe out…and that’s all I can do. 
  

The train wreck

There’s history between our eyes 

A train wreck that we both survived

A rolling stone and a crazy storm

Love like that doesn’t go away

Distance builds walls & bridges

You had me all and I was yours 

I’ll take down the walls and let you in

Just don’t break me again

Where I have been…

Sooo…she called me. And we worked things out. Decided that we needed one another after all. And I have spent the last three months back on the roller coaster. Make up and break up and make up again.  Today was supposed to be a special day. We were getting a room. We were going to make love. And then all hell broke loose. 

Looking back I can’t say that I didn’t know it was coming. I know why she keeps her Facebook so secretive. I know why she doesn’t talk about her home life anymore. She has someone. We are having an affair. So I pretend I don’t know just to have her in my life. 

And it’s not all her fault.  Hell I don’t guess it’s anyone’s fault. It is what it is. She kicks me and I kick back.  I just can’t do it anymore. When my mom died, something changed. I am on my own. So I don’t have time for bullshit or nonsense. And I refuse to let her say the things she says to me. I deserve more. 

So…here I am. 

Where I have been…

Sooo…she called me. And we worked things out. Decided that we needed one another after all. And I have spent the last three months back on the roller coaster. Make up and break up and make up again.  Today was supposed to be a special day. We were getting a room. We were going to make love. And then all hell broke loose. 

Looking back I can’t say that I didn’t know it was coming. I know why she keeps her Facebook so secretive. I know why she doesn’t talk about her home life anymore. She has someone. We are having an affair. So I pretend I don’t know just to have her in my life. 

And it’s not all her fault.  Hell I don’t guess it’s anyone’s fault. It is what it is. She kicks me and I kick back.  I just can’t do it anymore. When my mom died, something changed. I am on my own. So I don’t have time for bullshit or nonsense. And I refuse to let her say the things she says to me. I deserve more. 

So…here I am. 

Where I have been…

Sooo…she called me. And we worked things out. Decided that we needed one another after all. And I have spent the last three months back on the roller coaster. Make up and break up and make up again.  Today was supposed to be a special day. We were getting a room. We were going to make love. And then all hell broke loose. 

Looking back I can’t say that I didn’t know it was coming. I know why she keeps her Facebook so secretive. I know why she doesn’t talk about her home life anymore. She has someone. We are having an affair. So I pretend I don’t know just to have her in my life. 

And it’s not all her fault.  Hell I don’t guess it’s anyone’s fault. It is what it is. She kicks me and I kick back.  I just can’t do it anymore. When my mom died, something changed. I am on my own. So I don’t have time for bullshit or nonsense. And I refuse to let her say the things she says to me. I deserve more. 

So…here I am.